progress. progress. progress....

SO finally after agonizing, and i mean AGONIZING over what to call my new company, i have FINALLY landed on something that i really like, that encapsulates the concepts and ideas that embody my work, and i've even got a 'tag line' that will appear at the very bottom/end of all my literature for my company...and the tag line is even in latin 'cause i'm one classy broad!

slowly, slowly it's coming together, but while it may be laborious and time consuming, it IS coming together well so far...now i need to find a lawyer to register the name and all that crap-o-la which, of course, i know less than nothing about, and i'm not exactly ripe with lawyer buddies...le sigh.
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    accomplished accomplished


....and i hate Bowie.

y'know i fear i'm going to have to make some brutally difficult changes, changes i don't actually want to make, changes that are going to make me miserable, at least in the short term...but i'm also miserable now in certain areas so i guess i have to figure out which miserable is the better misery to go with...i do know that i can't beat my head against the wall anymore and i can't imagine any avenue or approach i haven't tried to ensure that i didn't end up in exactly the place where i am now...it's been about 2 years now and life has not stopped kicking my ass, fucking with my head and shredding what's left of my heart...the universe really needs to start cutting me some slack...soon.
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    morose morose

home again, home again, jiggity jig...

i despise moving, i despise everything about looking for, finding and moving to a new home...however it's that time again, and i HAVE to find a house to rent, preferably for May 1st...anyone know anything about any houses for rent, semi, townhome, i don't care at all, but the bigger the better...so if you guys know anything about anyone who might be able to help with finding me and the kitten-friends a new home, please please please let me know?

...did i mention how much i hate moving? 'cause in case you were a little fuzzy on it, you know, for the record? because I FRIGGIN' HATE MOVING!!!!!!
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    frustrated frustrated

- insert witty subject line here -

despite multiple [PAINFUL] dental surgeries and a nice dose of pneumonia, i've actually managed to make some headway in some areas of my life that have been a source of stress and a barrier to getting done everything that i need to in order to take back my life the way i need to...it's amazing what almost dying and spending almost a year in hospital can do to uproot you and every single plan you've ever made...and while Mike is appealing his ODSP decision [who are now as shifty as insurance companies, trying to discourage legitimate claims by making it as difficult as possible to meet the terms that they don't even disclose to begin with] and i have to wait for that to be settled before we can plan to move back in together, i still have a whole whack'o'crap to take care of on my own including filing all my back tax returns, getting all of my ID replaced and submitting a pile of paperwork to CPP via my insurance company once my accountant gets my taxes settled...i'm a thrill a minute.

HOWEVER, once this is done it's entirely possible that i'll be able to finally start rebuilding my credit which would be nice considering it was trashed by my ex from many years ago...considering that i'm also setting myself up as an independent business this year, i'm allowing myself a little hope that i'll be fully back in control of my finances and that i can put in to practice all the work i've been doing over the last few months...see, while i maintain my dream of setting up a 24 hour arts/music/performance cafe, preferably in Amsterdam, in the meantime i've decided to get back to working in an area that i have had great success and satisfaction in before, in hopes that once i can establish myself here, it'll allow me the financial freedom to follow through on my dream cafe a little later on...

AND that area that i'd like to get back to working in, would be that of counselling, specifically victim/offender reconciliations, at risk youth, victims of violence, art/music therapy and a program that i've put a lot of work in to developing which is an alternative to the 12 step program, one that is secular, but one with room to accommodate religious beliefs if the client is so interested...i'll even provide mediation between my client and their religious group/leader/partner if they so desire it, but it is essential IMO to have the option and not to force a concept of 'god' on anyone, and especially on those who are looking to get back in control of behaviour that is somehow detrimental to their health and/or happiness...in the 12 step program, 7 of the steps specifically mention needing to believe in, and submit to a 'god', and 5 of these same steps insist on the individual not only believing in but embracing their own powerlessness as something to be perpetuated, which is completely counter-intuitive to anyone attempting to gain insight and subsequent control over their behaviours...it's essential to help facilitate empowerment as opposed to perpetuate some sense of powerless victimzation, which is the state which the 12 step programs seeks to maintain its participants, which doesn't sit well with me in the least, nor should it...

SO in addition to working with the club to get promotions going for my DJ night, i've got a fairly ambitious few months ahead of me...now if i could avoid anymore bouts of pneumonia and see if i can keep my teeth from conspiring toward painful revolution, then maybe, just maybe by the time spring comes i'll have some semblance of control back over my life and where it's headed...a girl can dream.
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    accomplished accomplished

2 more for the tooth fairy....

went in today to have some of my most urgent work done at the dentist but i guess the most pressing issues that she could address completely today was to pull my upper 2 wisdom teeth and suture the gums closed...which, don't get me wrong, i'm very glad to be rid of, but i wasn't really prepared for such an invasive procedure, so i'm feeling pretty wiped-out and very sore atm...i'd never had to get injections in to the roof of my mouth/palate before though, and those were single-handedly, without any exaggeration whatsoever, THE. MOST. PAINFUL. NEEDLES. i have EVER had...the dentist explained that because there is very little tissue between the bone and the mouth, and what is there is attached incredibly tightly and densely to the bone of the roof of the mouth...so when freezing is injected there, like today, in order to make room for the liquid being forced in to such tightly connected tissue, this force of pushing the liquid in to such a place makes the tissue tear or rip away from the bone to varying degrees in order to accommodating the incoming liquid freezing goo, which then slowly is absorbed in to that part of the mouth...but the pain, i cannot stress this enough, and on top of it all this odd crunching sound with the pressure and *shudder* GAH! i have no words for it beyond that.

my dentist did also take a look at x-rays and photos from my previous dentist, and after examining them and the images taken after my stay in hospital she said she felt stronger than ever that i should seek out a lawyer and sue them for neglect which she says is clearly evidenced by the comparable x-rays and photos and the degree and variety of damage done in a relatively short period of time...she said she would write out a report and back me in court, and even encouraged me to contact the medical board to report the hospital staff for neglect, which, considering the atrocities they perpetrated while i was with them, is not a difficult decision to make...and while i am not remotely litigious, it's the only avenue left for me in this matter so now i just have to find a good lawyer who is willing and able to take on a hospital, so if any of you guys have any suggestions please let me know!

i'm going to go pout and curl up in a ball covered in fleece...st00pid teeth *le sigh*
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    cranky cranky

small amusements...

not that many people i know even ready this anymore, but some of my fairly old friends may realize why FaceBook constantly suggesting i 'friend' Bill Leeb is hiiiilarious to me....

the end.
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    amused amused
blagam! blagam!

Le Grand Suck

my time unconscious and paralyzed, first in the ICU and then later in the 'halo' [metal frame literally screwed in to my skull through my skin] as well as the neck brace means when i was in hospital for the first few months after i shattered my neck they didn't brush my teeth ONCE which MEANS my teeth now SUCK MOST HEARTILY...i need sooo much work done; root canals and fillings...the pain is brutal, the cost worse, even with insurance since i'll be eating up my dental allowance for the year in a month i'm sure...LE GRAND SUCK!
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    sore sore